In Defense of My Own Truth and Humanity

You need to stop trying to fit me into categories familiar to you but are inaccurate in describing my motives or character. Guilty people seem to feel vulnerable around truthful people because you think someone who strives to be an honest person exposes the dishonesty in your own character. I have been hurt by lies and inhumanity myself that has made me care so much about truth and humanity. I have learned that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with the idea of realness.
People get downright vicious towards me. I have had people repeat every bad thing I have ever done to accuse and convince themselves that I’m a fraud. Guilty people feel so threatened by my effort to be truthful and humane that you seem to think I need to be reminded of my weaknesses and failures.
I have been dehumanized and forgotten by the cruelest people who mattered enough to me that their actions and rejection continue to hurt. There is a corruptness in guilty people that makes you desperate to prove that anyone who proclaims to be truthful and genuinely humane must be a fraud. But in your desperation, all you do is project your lies, hate, and insecurities onto me.
I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable with me. I do realize that I’m a flawed human being. I lie sometimes, but I try not to lie. I strive to treat everyone with humanity, but sometimes I have trouble seeing the humanity in people who have hurt me or others. It’s not easy for me to be like this either.
The nature of my character causes people to attack and accuse me. I’m not sitting atop some self-righteous perch, with a smug smile, thanking people for accusing me. I’m human, and when you accuse me, I feel pain. When you betray me and spit lies at me like bullets to justify your betrayal, it hurts. When you tell me and others how bad I am, it feels like I’m getting a beating when you’re really describing yourself. But when others decide to hate me based on what you said about me, that’s not your fault; it’s theirs.
I choose to be truthful and humane because those things about you that you use to hurt others, you have used to hurt me. I never want to make anyone feel the way you have made me feel.
This post is not addressed to a single person. It is addressed to a composite of people who have tried their best to discredit me to make themselves feel better about their own corruptness. And although the nature of your character will probably cause you to read this post as having an accusatory tone, I am not accusing anyone. I’m only honestly addressing a problem I encounter often.

12 comments on “In Defense of My Own Truth and Humanity

  1. Bill says:

    “Ha , Ha, Charade You Are”, because my mother is German and you were mad at her you called her a Nazi, have you really changed so much? I hope so.

    • harkatinyhum says:

      I don’t know why you’re lurking around my blog, Billy. I called all of you Nazis. You have all treated me like I’m less human than any of you. And you are still being cruel to me. Why? And you choose one of the saddest times of the year to approach me after nearly thirty years of hating me!

      You don’t know the first thing about me, Billy, and you never have. So you can’t know if I have changed.

      • Bill says:

        You have not changed, regardless of your perception of treatment, you preach fairness and acceptance without degradation, but if you are disturbed by an outside influence your hate SHINES BRIGHT. Hypocrisy at its finest ” Shine on You Crazy Diamond” Try not to hate, there is enough to go around already. And… I do know the first thing about you. I was there for the second half.

      • harkatinyhum says:

        Do you have dementia?

    • harkatinyhum says:

      Nazis dehumanize people they perceive as different from themselves, Billy. You have all dehumanized me for thirty years. I’m not, nor have I ever been mad at your mother or any of you. You all were very cruel to me. I get it. The world is filled with evil. But how you all treated me still hurt me because even though you can’t understand it, I’m as human as you are. If you ever get to a place where you finally realize how wrong you were for dehumanizing me, and you want to express your remorse and shame, send me an email. I’d love to read it. I’ll never reply to you though. But thank you for reaching out and giving me this opportunity to express to you how you and your family made me feel for 30 years. And now I have nothing else to say to you.

  2. Bill says:

    So anyone can see how you lashed out in your first post and then reigned it in after you calmed down. How do you want me to express my shame for taking care of a child that you would not care for, not that you could not, but would not, How can I express my shame for my Nazi mother buying you a car so the children did not have to walk to day care, I am so sorry for the shame that I caused for giving your child a birthday every year, for giving him a Christmas that you would not do. How many pictures do you have of your son? Just the few that we gave you, I have hundreds, if you stop the hypocrisy and hate and lies I would like to show them to you. Live in your world where you are a Bard Scholar and the world is against you, don’t think about your children, who you have corrupted their lives to devaluation, yes with Michael, and don’t cry back how that is unfair. I remember you calling us from Gibson’s because he was beating you up in the parking lot. I admit my shame in giving your son a home, a foundation, I am so sorry for Paula getting Justin his GED and helping him get into the military, for helping him during his troubling child’s adoption. I am sorry for doing all the things that you should have been doing, but go on and hate us for trying to help your son. Maybe hate can burn calories, just a thought, the HATE DIET

    • harkatinyhum says:

      I never was upset so I didn’t need to calm down. I’m not sure if you realize this because you seem to be having an episode of some sort, but you’re revealing more about yourself then you are exposing aabout me. Billy, I’m not sure what has triggered this mental health episode for you, but you and I have nothing to say to each other. There’s no reason you should have any interest in me at all.

      Are you drinking late at night? Why are you suddenly obsessed with me? Can you leave me alone now? Please.

    • harkatinyhum says:

      I have given Justin a gift more valuable than all of the things you gave him. I taught him to choose better people to be in his life than I chose to be in mine. Because the one thing I did consistently when I was young, was to choose people who build themselves up by tearing others down.

      And here you are, demonstrating what I wrote about in this post. You’re checking off a list of everything i ever did. Whether or not it’s accurate is beside the point, but you have listed thirty years of my perceived offenses as if they somehow define me.

      You can’t define me, Billy. You don’t know me, you never knew me. I don’t think we ever had more than ten conversations. You don’t know me. And I love my son, but I wish I never knew you or your family of haters.

      I don’t want to know you now. So please find a new late night obsession. I don’t want you in my orbit.

  3. What a great post! I love how you pinpointed what you were upset about without pointing fingers at anyone in particular. And oh how I can relate. I think your commenter above had his guilt button tickled with the honesty you portrayed in this post… again, without names. Try no to crawl in the pit with the tormentor. Just be the light they’ll need to get out of the pit should they realize they are sitting in their own shit.

    • harkatinyhum says:

      Thanks! I can’t tell you how relieved I was to see a comment from someone who wasn’t going to attack me. He’s not the only one who’s been attacking me lately. There’s another one who has a list of all of my offenses for the past 40 years.

      People are just determined to prove I’m a fraud I guess. But I made the post and I’ll deal with the consequences unless they get to be too much.

      • I am a firm believer that if the world is trying to prove you are a fraud, having to go so far back in history as 40 years ago, you must be doing something right that causes them to have to look at themselves and find something lacking. Good for you! Keep stirring that pot with good ole fashioned honesty and integrity. Their pain is not yours. Send out a prayer for them that they may find all of the inner peace you have found for yourself. Nice work, lady!!

  4. Bill says:

    Drinking? You know all about that. Maybe your husband’s family would have accepted you a bit more if you were not the ultimate enabler. Maybe they blame you for their son’s death. Just stop replying to my comments You, the humane and just, who sits at a higher plane of life. If you do not reply, I will not continue. But I don’t think you can. Take the challenge Myrna. “Let it Be”

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